


The Bitter Taste of your Skin

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Self-Pity, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:41:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14637231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “Tell me, Kei, would it make us feel better if we slept together?”Kei remembered the bitter taste of that question, the way they both were desperate, the way he hadn’t answered, jumping him and kissing him, as if he wanted to erase his face to get a chance to draw a new one on it.





	The Bitter Taste of your Skin

Hikaru brushed a hand over his chest.

Kei felt a shiver that he couldn’t name, but he didn’t bother much to think about it.

It didn’t matter what he felt, after all.

Only Hikaru did, and those hands, and their breaths melting together, and their feeble moans, their tongues meeting, their bodies touching.

And keeping his eyes closed, always.

When they had started this, they both knew exactly what they were facing.

They knew they felt nothing for each other, but it wasn’t important.

This wasn’t about love.

They weren’t going to fall asleep holding on to each other, they weren’t going to look in the eyes as if the rest of the world didn’t exist, they weren’t going to be drenched one in the scent of the other, thinking it was the best feeling ever.

At the end of the night, once obtained what they wanted, Kei would've gotten out of that bed disgusted by himself, he would've gotten under the shower to try and wash Hikaru’s smell off of his skin, then he would've gotten dressed and they would've drunk something, perhaps watching something on TV, without mentioning what had just happened.

This wasn’t about love. It was about sex.

Kei arched his back when the younger’s mouth reached his cock, licking it, grazing his teeth over it until he took it wholly inside.

He moaned, loud.

He moaned, screamed, enjoying every moment of it, relishing that tongue on him, those hands on his hips preventing him from thrusting.

He closed his eyes again, feeling close to climaxing.

He didn’t want to look at Hikaru.

There was just one face he wished he could’ve seen right now, and so he imagined that Kota was there with him, that those were his hands on him, that he was moving inside his mouth, that it was his tongue, his groans, his smell.

He came into Hikaru’s mouth, moaning even louder than before.

The younger kept still for a few moments, then he let his cock slip out of his mouth and went back on top of him, staring at his face.

And Kei knew it, he was imagining to be with someone else as well.

That it was the very same person, it didn’t matter.

They had been rivals, then accomplices in that love that wasn’t requited for either of them, in that love that was never going to be real.

Because Yabu was happy.

He was happy with Yuya, and they felt like rejects of that happiness, because there was no room for them in it.

And if they couldn’t have it, then they would've kept pretending they could create it in their minds, pretending that what they did had some meaning, as if pretending of being with someone else while they fucked like animals made their lives less pathetic than they actually were.

It had been going on for over two months now, but their thirst didn’t seem to have quenched.

One day they had looked at each other in the eyes and they had found the same thing there.

_“Tell me, Kei, would it make us feel better if we slept together?”_

Kei remembered the bitter taste of that question, the way they both were desperate, the way he hadn’t answered, jumping him and kissing him, as if he wanted to erase his face to get a chance to draw a new one on it.

He remembered he had cried the first time they had had sex, that night.

To have come under Hikaru’s hands, whilst he moved inside of him, and that he hadn't managed to hold back his tears.

The younger had hugged him, letting him lay on his side and getting behind him so that he wouldn’t have seen his face, for him to better delude himself into thinking that Kota was the one hugging him.

One knew what the other needed, and they did their best to give it.

But there was always a strange aftertaste in all they did, a bitter one, something squalid that degraded any goal their imagination could reach.

Kei felt Hikaru’s hand move to his entrance, and as if it was an automatic movement he opened his legs to grant him access.

The younger always went easy on him, trying to avoid him feeling any pain, and every time Kei wanted to tell him that such care was pointless, that he couldn’t feel a thing, that it was like his body could only detect pleasure, in the most carnal meaning of the word.

But he kept quiet, as usual, because they never spoke, as if talking would've broken that spell descending on them during those moments, as if talking would've made this too real to be born.

When Hikaru thrust inside of him they both kept still for a few seconds, more to get used to the idea of having fallen back into this than to make him adjust to the feeling of having him inside.

They moved mechanically, their hips clashing, their hands on each other’s back, scratching, leaving marks, aware that the skin under their nails would've been witness to the fact that they were really there, in that bed, hurting each other and masking it as something that would've instead saved them from the abyss.

Kei came for the second time, Yabu’s features still in his mind, and he felt Hikaru come as well, aware that he was thinking the very same thing.

He collapsed on top of him, and the elder instinctively leant over, licking a drop of sweat from his face, as if he wanted to find out how it tasted.

He shouldn’t have been too surprised, after all.

Hikaru’s sweat, their gestures of that and many other nights, their screams of pleasure, their bodies exhausted after the orgasm and that room smelling horribly of sex...

It all had the same bitter taste.


End file.
